Have you heard of this?
There’s a social media trend going around where heterosexual men call their straight friends just to wish them goodnight.
“Goodnight. I hope you sleep well.”
No, seriously. And guess what? Men are freaking out. They can’t handle it. They think their friends are in serious trouble or that something must be wrong. Who knows what they’re thinking—but clearly, this kind of emotional expression feels unusual for many men.
Masculinity, Stoicism, and Mental Health
There’s a long-standing pattern in Western culture of men being stoic and strong—doing anything not to be seen as weak. Unfortunately, that mindset shows up in mental health too.
According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 57% of women received mental-health treatment in the past year, compared to 42% of men. And when it comes specifically to therapy (not medication management), men’s participation drops to roughly half that of women.
Even though these numbers are improving slightly, there’s still a large gap between awareness and action. Many men recognize they’re struggling but hesitate to take the next step—often out of fear of judgment or the belief that they should be able to handle things on their own.
Josh Johnson on Isolation and Friendship
One of my favorite comedians, Josh Johnson from The Daily Show, captures this dynamic perfectly. In his sketch “I Am Not an Alpha Male,” he pokes fun at the rigid, performative nature of masculinity and the pressure men feel to appear confident, collected, and invulnerable.
He also jokes about how difficult it can be for men to maintain friendships as adults—the awkwardness of reaching out, the unspoken rules around vulnerability, and how quickly isolation creeps in when life gets busy.
That kind of quiet loneliness can have real consequences. Research consistently links social isolation with increased risks of depression and suicidal behavior. Sometimes it’s not the big crisis moments that matter most, but the slow, invisible drift away from connection.
What I See in My Practice
In my own work as a therapist, I’ve noticed a few consistent patterns. Older men rarely come to therapy. Of those who do, most are under 45.
Often, therapy starts with an ultimatum: “I’ll leave you if you don’t go to therapy,” or a partner insisting on couples counseling. But even when therapy begins under pressure, it can still become a turning point.
According to Paul Callister, PhD, CMHC, owner of Bountiful Counseling, that’s not always a bad thing. Callister has worked in many areas of mental health—from community substance-abuse programs to the prison system—and has seen both the challenges and the potential in men’s help-seeking behaviors.
He points out that traits often labeled as barriers—competitiveness, protectiveness, physical strength, and the drive to succeed—can actually become assets when channeled intentionally. Those same characteristics that push men to excel can also help them rebuild after loss, depression, or burnout. In his experience, tapping into a man’s desire to “do better” or “take charge” can be the very thing that leads to healing.
Reasons for Hope
While men are still slower to seek help and experience higher suicide rates—particularly by firearm—Callister notes that he’s seeing real progress.
Even when a man only attends therapy for the sake of his relationship, the simple fact that he’s showing up can be protective. Sitting in that chair, even reluctantly, creates space for change and connection that might not happen otherwise.
So, men—if a friend calls you just to say goodnight or hope you sleep well, don’t overthink it. Maybe let it turn into a real conversation. It might be healing for both of you. And who knows—those small gestures might just start to shift the story of what strength really looks like.
