Lately, somatic approaches — tuning into the wisdom of the body — have really resonated with me, especially when I think about ADHD. So often, ADHD behaviors like procrastination, impulsivity, overworking, or zoning out are treated as problems to fix. The dreaded ADHD diagnosis. But what if we looked deeper? What if these patterns are not just “bad habits,” but adaptive responses from a nervous system doing its best to help us cope?
Parts Work and the Orchestra Within
Internal Family Systems (IFS), a popular therapeutic model, introduces the idea that we all have many different parts — like instruments in an orchestra. Sometimes certain parts, like ADHD or anxiety, take the lead solo and drown out the rest.
Even the parts we struggle with most — the ones that make us avoid our work, deep-clean the kitchen when a deadline looms, or feel intense shame when criticized — are ultimately trying to help us meet our needs. I often think of it like young kids wanting to help in the kitchen.Their intentions were loving, but their “help” often made things messier and more work for me. Still, at their core, they were trying to contribute and connect.
The Nervous System’s Logic
Even though ADHD behaviors can create challenges, they often bring a felt sense of relief, stimulation, or safety. That’s the nervous system regulating itself — trying to reduce or avoid pain, loneliness, or discomfort.
When you notice an ADHD pattern showing up, try pausing and asking yourself:
- What feeling is this helping me avoid or soothe?
- What is my body trying to protect me from right now?
- How does this behavior make me feel in the moment, even if it causes problems later?
These questions shift the focus from judgment to curiosity. You might begin to see that your nervous system isn’t broken — it’s adapting. Every behavior, even the frustrating ones, serves a purpose in maintaining balance or safety.
The Pink Elephant Problem
Have you ever tried not to think about something? Say you’re going through a breakup and you’re trying to stop thinking about your former partner. Each time the thought arises, you tell yourself to not think about them. How well does that work? Probably not very well.
Therapists often call this the Pink Elephant metaphor: if I tell you not to think about a pink elephant — whatever you do — what immediately pops into your mind? Probably a pink elephant.
The same is true with ADHD patterns. When we try to aggressively suppress them, they dig in even deeper. But when we approach them with gentleness — giving ourselves permission to notice, to think, to feel — the pressure lifts. And paradoxically, that’s when the thoughts or impulses begin to soften.
Self-Compassion as the Path Forward
Research suggests that individuals with ADHD often experience higher levels of shame than those with more neurotypical brains. The shame of feeling inadequate, compounded by frustration from others or oneself, can turn into an internal critic so harsh that it silences motivation altogether.
But when we meet these parts with compassion — when we stop fighting them and start listening with our minds and our bodies — something shifts.
The inner critic’s volume turns down. The nervous system relaxes. And sometimes, we find ourselves procrastinating less, engaging more, or feeling unexpectedly at ease with the parts we once tried to banish.
Healing ADHD through a somatic and IFS lens isn’t about fixing what’s “wrong.” It’s about understanding what’s been protecting us all along — and learning to work with our nervous system, not against it.
