What Your Vacation Style Might Say About Anxiety
One of my favorite episodes of Modern Family is when the whole family goes to Hawaii. Some family members spend their vacation packing every minute with pineapple tours, whale watching cruises, snorkeling excursions, and sightseeing adventures. Meanwhile, other family members are perfectly content sitting by the pool, ordering drinks with umbrellas in them, and not moving for hours.
How you vacation can tell you a lot about your relationship with anxiety.
Do you melt into relaxation, or do you fight sitting still, kicking and screaming?
This episode has always been relatable to me because in my family we have what my brother-in-law calls “suicide vacations.” We bike to breakfast, hike after breakfast, play tennis before lunch, and somehow squeeze in another activity before dinner. For many of us, constant movement feels more comfortable than quiet.
When Slowing Down Makes Anxiety Worse
I was recently talking with a friend about summer vacation and how it has affected her children. When most of us think about summer, weekends, or vacations, we imagine feeling relieved. No more early morning school drop-offs, science projects, packed schedules, or endless meetings.
But for some people, anxiety actually gets worse when life slows down.
They notice it on weekends. The third day of vacation. The first week of summer break.
If you know, you know.
I often think there are two broad types of people in the world. There are people who need structure imposed on them (I am definitely one of these people), and there are people who seem able to create their own momentum and routine without much effort. My mom is one of those people. Of course, it’s really a spectrum, but some of us struggle more when the external structure disappears.
For those of us who can’t seem to relax on the beach or enjoy a day with nothing scheduled, it can feel like something is wrong with us. Not only am I anxious, but I’m anxious in a beautiful place that I’ve been looking forward to for months. The very thing that was supposed to help me feel better somehow isn’t working.
Researchers sometimes refer to this phenomenon as the “summer scaries.”
So What Contributes to the Summer Scaries?
In both my clinical work and my own experience, a lack of structure is often a major factor. During the school year or workweek, our days have built-in expectations. We wake up at a certain time. We have places to be. Tasks to complete.
When that structure disappears, many of us assume we’ll naturally relax.
Instead, we sleep later, put things off, lose our routine, and become less active. The extra mental space that was once occupied by responsibilities suddenly becomes available for worry, overthinking, and anxiety.
Rather than relaxing into rest, we fight it.
Other Factors Can Contribute as Well
- Increased heat can raise body temperature, heart rate, and sweating, which can feel similar to symptoms of anxiety or panic.
- Financial pressure often increases during summer with vacations, childcare costs, activities, and travel expenses.
- Social media can create unrealistic expectations about what summer “should” look like.
- Body image concerns may become more prominent with swimsuits, shorts, and summer clothing.
- Changes in routine can disrupt sleep, exercise, and eating habits, all of which impact mood and anxiety.
So What Can We Do?
If you’re someone who struggles with unstructured time, don’t wait for structure to magically appear. Create it.
Try waking up and going to bed at roughly the same time each day. Schedule activities, even enjoyable ones. Make plans with friends. Use body doubling if you tend to freeze when facing chores or tasks. Keep exercising. Keep moving.
Most importantly, give yourself permission to be someone who thrives with structure.
Needing routine doesn’t mean you’re doing relaxation wrong. It simply means your nervous system functions best when it has a little guidance.
When the Summer Scaries Start Taking Over
And if the summer scaries are beginning to take over, remember that you don’t have to figure it out alone. Talking with a therapist can help you understand what’s driving the anxiety and develop tools to feel more grounded and present, whether you’re at work, at home, or on vacation. If finding a therapist feels overwhelming, NextTherapist was designed to make the process easier by helping people connect with therapists who fit their needs, preferences, and schedules.
Sometimes the goal isn’t learning how to do nothing.
